I like to live my life the way I like my coffee: bold, strong, multi-faceted and somewhat sweet, with a touch of indulgent, creamy goodness. The above quote really caught me because as I look back over the last few years, I see that through some difficult times and struggles, I have found my rhythm, I am living my life with intention, and I have become bolder. I still have goals I want to reach, and aspirations that need attention. I am a work in progress...Read More
Do you ever wonder why things happen? Do you feel like you need to dig deep, figure 'it' all out, and explain why you feel the way you do? Are you sure of how you feel? Are you allowing yourself to feel your emotions, or are you so intent on finding the explanation or solution that the feelings are lost?
Perhaps it's time to just "G.O.I.", eh?
Obviously, I know it's not that simple, and would never intentionally minimize anyone's experience. However, I read a blog by Nathan Otto this morning that got my wheels turning. He suggested trying something radical: ignore yourself.
Many are so focused on transformation that it may not have registered that the transformation could already be complete.
Are you willing to G.O.I., forget yourself, and feel your way into the next stage of your life?
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." ~ Helen Keller
Getting over it, forgetting the self...perhaps is not easy, but is more accurately described as an exercise in willingness.
I offer 3 simple steps to help you "ignore yourself", and you may find it curious that they all involve turning inward first. They are:
- Acknowledge yourself as transformed. NOW.
- Believe that you are valuable. NOW.
- Offer yourself compassion. NOW.
Lately I have been hearing about a lot about courage and strength. A friend who is going through a difficult time recently said to me, “I just have to be strong and carry on,” which got me thinking: do we really have to be strong to keep going? I would argue that it does not always require strength to keep going. I am reminded of a woman I worked with a number of years ago who was undergoing treatment for breast cancer. At one point, she was very ill from the chemo drugs, and in a moment of frustration and extreme fatigue, she told her husband she felt like she wouldn’t be able to carry on, to which he replied, ‘You have to; we need you.’ She said she experienced a renewed sense of courage to face this disease head-on and to carry on, even in the absence of strength. She was physically and emotionally depleted, and yet she gathered up her might and continued forward. The last I heard, more than 10 years post-treatment, she has been cancer-free and living a very happy, healthy life.
- Have you ever asked for help when you felt you didn’t have the strength to carry on?
- Have you not asked for help when you didn’t have the strength to carry on?
- What kind of outcome did you experience?
- Did you learn?
- Did you grow?
“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on - it is going on when you don’t have strength.” - Napoleon Bonaparte
Even in the worst of times, we can gather our courage and carry on without strength. I would even argue that one of the most courageous acts we could undertake would be to ask for help when we feel we do not have the strength to face or manage something on our own. We are encouraged to be independent, even fiercely so, and yet, by nature we are interdependent. We need one another at times, and there is much opportunity for growth and learning when we ask for help.
I invite you to consider asking for a helping hand here and there to get comfortable with the idea of receiving. One day, you might truly need someone’s assistance, and you will be primed to accept and receive without resistance. If you are not so sure about this, consider times when you’ve helped a friend or loved one in need. Chances are, you did it willingly and without judgment. Remember the compassion you felt for that person, and offer it to your own self. Be open. Be willing. Ask. Receive.
Give it a try, and remember this question: How can it get any better?
Blessings. Gratitude. Love.
How do you know when you are experiencing growing pains? Young children often experience pain in their legs, the cause of which is difficult to pinpoint. Because growing pains is not actually a medical condition, doctors call it a “diagnosis of exclusion”. Excluding other potential maladies or injuries is the first order of business, and by exclusion, many parents find that their child is experiencing the general muscular discomfort referred to as “growing pains”. Consensus in the medical community is that bone growth does not cause pain. However, many children experience more growing pains during the rapid growth stages, into early adolescence. It is understood is that many children experience these pains after a very physically active day, and often for several days and nights in a row. Most doctors agree that the treatment for growing pains is a warm compress, massage and cuddling - a little TLC, if you will (insert winky smile at clever reference to my initials.)
If we piggy-back on a child’s experience of growing pains and the doctor’s diagnosis of exclusion, we may apply this to our own experience as adults. Have you ever gone through a difficult time, and yet all other variables seem to be in place? I certainly have. There have been times when I’ve felt stressed, afraid and overwhelmed, and yet so much good stuff was happening in my life. By process of elimination (or exclusion), I often find that during these times, I am experiencing growing pains - a general discomfort associated with a sustained high level of activity.
Think about it. We grow and stretch, and stretch a little more, and leap and stretch, and duck and dodge bullets, and deftly maneuver around roadblocks every day. When you experience an unexplained sense of discomfort, or possibly pain, which could manifest in the forms of sadness, anger, frustration or apathy (however fleetingly temporary), it is helpful to run through your personal checklist of needs, unmet needs and possible adverse health conditions if you have any. If you turn up empty handed, give a nod to the idea of growing pains. Perhaps you have been so active that your whole being needs to rest and recuperate.
The doctor’s diagnosis of growing pains, and the parent’s remedy is simple: rest, warm compress, massage and cuddling - a little TLC. We often barge ahead in life, rapidly barreling forward, without taking a moment to address some of our basic needs. We all need TLC, love, a massage and the equivalent of a warm compress. Reach out to those who are close to you. Ask for some extra support in the form of kind words, a listening ear, a hug or thoughts/prayer. At the same time, be kind and compassionate with yourself. Make sure you have attended to your needs. Pushing through the pain is sometimes recommended, and sometimes rest and recuperation are just what the doctor ordered. Know yourself well enough to distinguish what you really need.
If you want to learn more about establishing the mindset for growing thru your growing pains and achieving blissful success, schedule your COMPLIMENTARY 30 minute consult.
I am here by your side on your journey, cheering you on, applying the warm compress, and offering a lot of TLC. Know that you are fully supported in your dreams, and you WILL manifest them!
Blessings. Gratitude. Love.
Zen and the art of what?! Here's the deal. Being awesome is something that can be achieved by simply being in the moment, and by being yourself. Y'know, "Zen". Sometimes my clients tell me, "I should really meditate more, but I'm not good at meditation. I guess I'm just not Zen." Huh? How does one become 'good' at meditation and ‘being Zen’? I do not fancy myself a meditation expert by any stretch, but I'll share my personal belief about meditation, awesomeness and becoming more Zen. Step into the moment. Stepping into the present moment takes practice, just like learning another skill, sport or musical instrument.
Zen and the "art of awesomeness" is simply being in the moment. We can be in the moment by checking in with ourselves, breathing deeply and often, and by slowing down to notice what is going on around us and inside of us.
Let’s back up for just a moment, though. What’s up with this self-judgment? I hear “I should” and “I’m not good at” and “I guess I’m just not” a lot. Bim, bam, boom. Stop there. Pause, interrupt the pattern, breathe and then move forward.
"Zen spirituality does not confuse spirituality with thinking about God while one is peeling potatoes. Zen spirituality is just to peel the potatoes." ~ Alan Watts
You see, when we slow down and step into the moment, we achieve a Zen-like state. When we pause to check-in with ourselves, we create the foundation for meditation, Zen-like states and mindful presence.
Here are some quick tips to get started with a practice of being present so you can readily and easily step into your awesomeness every day (some call this “flow state” or “in the zone”).
- Breathe deeply and often. You do not need to be stressed or seeking relaxation to breathe deeply. Just be aware of your breath, and pay attention to some of your breaths throughout the day. You will find at times you need to breathe deeply, and other times you will not. By taking deep breaths, you are being proactive about your health: manage your stress, blood pressure and heart rate, and oxygenate your cells. You will help the flow of energy and improve your posture. How’s that for feeling virtuous? Now you’re stepping into awesomeness.
- Slow down to speed up. I’ve been saying this to clients, class and seminar participants. I tell it to my kids. And......sometimes (okay, quite often) I need to remind myself. Sometimes we need to slow down in order to speed up. Every step of the journey is important, no matter the final destination. If you want to succeed in any area of your life, you will develop this habit. Take the time to write your goals by hand every day, write 3 actionable items on your list (and finish them) every day, and reflect on your accomplishments at the end of the day. Slow down in order to speed up; these 3 small habits take all of 2 minutes and yet launch you forward at warp speed, if you will allow it.
- Peel the potato. Do nothing more than what you are currently doing. Dedicate your focus, attention, energy and intention to one thing at a time. Multi-tasking as a means of efficiently completing tasks is a farce, and diverts and dilutes your attention, changing the outcome - much like water to paint. Shift gears between tasks. Close the book (even if temporarily) on one actionable item before moving to the next. Give your brain time to adjust and switch gears. Studies show that it can take up to 15 minutes for the brain to fully close-out and switch to the new action when one attempts to manage multiple tasks at once. Focus, grasshopper. You will accomplish more and you will feel more grounded.
As you travel along your path, know that you are fully supported, and I honor your experience as your own. If you would like to learn more about building the foundation for superb awesomeness, I am here. I offer unwavering support, and would be honored to be by your side.
Blessings. Gratitude. Love.
“Virtue is bold, and goodness never fearful.” – William Shakespeare I like to live my life the way I like my coffee: bold, strong, multi-faceted and somewhat sweet, with a touch of indulgent, creamy goodness. The above quote really caught me because as I look back over the last few years, I see that through some difficult times and struggles, I have found my rhythm, I am living my life with intention, and I have become bolder. I still have goals I want to reach, and aspirations that need attention. I am a work in progress and have experienced a few blips on the radar screen, but as I observe where I am, I see that I have reached down inside of myself and accessed my strength, even - or maybe especially - in my more fragile moments.
If you really know what you want from life, and you are secure in who you are, you will live your life according to your own principles, and you will get your needs met. Make no mistake, diplomacy is key in most situations, and in no way do I mean to say that you should conduct “in-your-face” confrontations to get what you want from life. The boldness I speak of is derived from internal strength, virtue and goodness that cannot be easily shaken, and possesses a beautiful, warm subtlety.
A friend recently observed that some people’s confidence comes from within and some externalize their confidence to cover up what they are lacking in strength. I understand that one must derive boldness from an internal source in order to go anywhere, let alone to the unknown. In-your-face is abrasive and uncomfortable, and does not represent true strength or courage; in fact, that kind of behavior usually masks insecurities and fear.
I am very fond of quiet strength. I believe that in knowing who we are, solidly grounded in our own foundation, we can be bold. In my youth, I had what I call “fake strength” that presented as cockiness, and a little bit as steam roller. It was a feeble attempt to protect myself from getting hurt, to build a tough exterior and prevent anyone from getting close to me. However, with life experience and maturity, I have learned to be quietly bold, and to let down that barrier and just be myself. To me, boldness sometimes means planting a seed, sometimes I “just do it” in spite of my fears; yet other times, it means standing tall in the face of something that seems threatening or scary.
Have you discovered your bold self? Are you ready to make some progress and move forward? If so, then keep reading. If you want to boldly take yourself where you have never been before, to where you really want to be, try this on for size.
“If you want something you never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.” - Dr. Shaun Marler
1. Listen to Your Inner Voice. It is not always easy to know which way to move or where to place your foot in order to take the next step. It may take some time to figure that out. Take a few minutes to listen to your inner voice, and really listen to what it is telling you.
“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” – Dr. Benjamin Spock
Pay attention to your feelings, what your inner voice, or “gut” is telling you. When you listen to your internal voice, the part of you that really knows what you need, you can then allow yourself to expand beyond the farthest reaches of what your life has been so far.
2. Be Open to the Unknown. If you give yourself permission to expand, you will inevitably open yourself to all the possibilities, including the wide-open unknown. Meditate, write in a journal, take a class, or find another way to provide yourself the creative freedom to broaden your horizons. As you open yourself up, you will learn to listen to yourself more closely. When you have begun to really listen and trust yourself, you will step forward without fear, because beneath fear and uncertainty lies the inner knowledge that always tells you which step you need to take next. So, open yourself up, dig a little deeper, brace yourself in your core, and move forward.
3. Take a Step. When you know what you want, and you hear the inner voice say it is time to make a change, you will put one foot forward, take just one step, and you will know you are safe to continue. You will only get to where you want to be, however, if you make it happen. You must be the one to put one foot in front of the other and walk.
We all struggle and have moments when we are lacking in confidence, for a variety of reasons. Whatever the reasons, know you are not alone, and keep on going. Move yourself forward, learn from your mistakes, and trudge ahead. Take the first step toward your bold self, learn to be quietly bold, and get yourself where you need to be.
Believe in yourself, trust your instincts, and keep your intention clear. When you are confident in who you are, your boldness will be natural, and you will take the first step effortlessly. May you be virtuous and good, bold and fearless in your life journey.
Blessings. Gratitude. Love.
Today I really wanted to write something flowery about how you deserve an exquisite life, and I believe that. However, for the last several days, I have been home with a sick kid, got the same virus and now am looking out the window at freezing rain. Frankly, as loving and nurturing as I am, I’m just not feeling it today. So, you get a gritty-for-me, sassified chat. I’ve been seeing a lot of posts on Facebook lately that feel very judgmental and remind us that we’re responsible for our own happiness AND misery, to stop making excuses and that have a strong tone of “you only have yourself to blame,” etc. Here’s the deal: shit happens. Life happens. There are times when it seems things won’t go right, and there are times when life feels heavy. It’s what we choose to do with these times that really matters.
So, life happens. Life sometimes feels heavy. There are times when you won’t be able to make it to the gym, you will miss your meditation or you will eat or drink the “wrong” stuff. If you choose to throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater, then you are choosing that. That is one choice. I will ask you this, and I know I’ve used this analogy before, but it works: if you are wearing a white shirt at a party and a drop of red salsa falls on it, will you pick up the whole bowl of salsa and pour it down your shirt? If you do, bravo/a for making a Powerful Choice! And if not, that is also a Powerful Choice (wink, wink).
You see, whatever you choose, even if you choose to walk in circles and not make a decision, you are making a choice. It is simple. When life throws some crap at the fan and it’s blowing all over, you get to choose: let it hit you, turn and run, grab an umbrella and cover up, or walk around the friggin’ fan and pull the plug. YOU are in command of your life. YOU get to choose how things will go down once they happen, and frankly, THAT is what really counts.
Here are 3 simple steps to deal with Life Happening:
- Breathe. When life happens, stop what you are doing and take a deep breath. Breathe in thru your nose, hold it for a second, and then breathe out thru your nose. Focus on your breath. When you breathe like this (in yoga: ujjayi pranayama) you do a number positive things for yourself, including bringing yourself into the present moment, lowering your blood pressure, slowing down your heart rate, releasing tension and keeping yourself from any knee-jerk reaction that may be associated with old programming that no longer serves you, if it ever did.
- Allow feelings. We often make the mistake of rushing to feel better in the moment of Life Happening. Sometimes we need to switch gears to un-do old programming, but often what we are really doing is stuffing-down our feelings and burying them. To quote a powerful book: feelings buried alive never die. Whatever we stuff down will ultimately back up on us. If we understand that we feel first, then think, then emote, it is easier for us to learn to breathe and rest-in to our feelings and allow whatever we feel to actually be felt. From there, we can heal. Also, remember that feeling feelings and expressing emotions are very different. In the moment you feel something, you get to choose what to do with it.
- Make a choice. After you take a deep breath (or 3, or 10) and have allowed yourself to feel what you feel, you get to make a choice. Choosing is a form of taking action. You may simply choose to change your attitude, and that is action. You may choose to change something - make an apology, forgive yourself or someone else, or rearrange your closet. Whatever you do, make a solid choice, and the universe/god/your source/your higher conscience will conspire to meet you where you are in that choice.
“I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it’s only a choice of attitude.” - Unknown
Whatever you choose, you will do it in a powerful way, and it will be the right thing, even if the outcome is not what you expected or thought you wanted. You see, life happens. Life brings us exactly what we need, when we need it, and we get to choose to experience it as a learning opportunity or as a heavy burden that makes us miserable.
I know you will choose wisely and you will choose whatever you need most, even if you are not fully aware of why you are making the choice.
Blessings. Gratitude. Love.
P.S. It’s still January, and I’m still offering FREE GOODIES. Have you asked me for a freebie? If not, why not? Contact me, and make sure you leave your name & email in the box at the TOP RIGHT of this page so you get your first batch of free stuff. Make sure you ASK ME for more free stuff!
When you "beat the odds" do you embrace it, or do you analyze, question and doubt? Do you find yourself saying, "Yeah, but..." - what I call the 'Dreaded Yabbit Dyndrome' (DYS for short). I found myself battling my own DYS the other day, related to the numbers game. When I remembered that kind of thinking doesn't represent the paradigm I live in, nor does it serve me, I was able to exhale it out and express gratitude for the number of people I am able to serve, for those who are making their way to me now, and for those whose lives have been changed by something I have said or done, or by someone I have helped sharing something they have learned. You get the point, right?
The esteemed Dr. Deepak Chopra tells us that every time we think a positive thought or make a positive change in our lives, that resonates out and can create a positive change in the lives of 30,000 others. So... If I help one person, even if I help only myself, I am also helping my 2 children (now we're at 90,000, for those who need to see the numbers).
No more Yabbit... No more doubt. No more worry. Only thanking the universe/god/your highest self/source for the incredible opportunity you have every moment of every day to make a difference. Go, love yourself, believe in yourself, GIVE of yourself. Because every time you do, you are changing lives. Yes, you are! ~ TLC
Blessings. Gratitude. Love.
So, many people are writing their reflections on 2012 as the year comes to a close. While I’m not one to jump on the bandwagon, I have to say that I feel the need to do the same and share some of my learning experiences as well. First, 2012 has been an incredible year for me personally and professionally. I have experienced a number of ups and downs in both areas, have grown tremendously, and feel wiser, stronger and better-equipped for this next year, which is already looking like it will be AMAZING!
While not one to make Resolutions, I am working very intentionally toward some lofty goals that, frankly, scare the hell out of me. Yes... I feel scared. Yes... I feel worried I might fail, and yes, I know I’m not ‘supposed’ to worry and fear failure and all of that. But, I am also afraid of the huge success that is right there at my fingertips; just a smidge. There, I’ve self-disclosed. Now, can we get on with it?
Here’s what I’ve learned in 2012, in completely random order, and yet probably the perfect sequence:
Dating is not for the faint of heart. I’ve heard dating referred to as “feast or famine.” I feel VERY strongly that gorging/starving is really bad for our metabolism. So, I have chosen to just be myself and not play by the rules. That’s my personal wisdom, combined with that of other friends and clients who have experienced this ‘dating thing’. Be yourself in all areas, even if you're in committed partnership or not dating. Enjoy, don’t take yourself too seriously. Go, have fun, study the reflection you see in each person who you attract. Stay detached from any outcome, and remember that each person who comes into your life is there at the right time, for the right reason. There are no mistakes, only opportunities to learn and grow.
Solitude is WAY underrated. While we are social creatures by nature, there are quiet, alone times to be enjoyed, appreciated and savored. Recharge your batteries, do something loving for yourself - read a book, take a long bath, go for a walk, watch a movie or do nothing. Schedule daily solitude, even if 'just' for 10 minutes to begin or end your day. Savor your time to yourself and focus on YOU.
There is room for everyone. There is enough. YOU are enough. Learn to live a life without limits. There is only one thing in life that is obligatory: death. Everything else is a choice. Perhaps that’s a little black and white and even over-simplified, but give it a little time to marinate. You get to choose how you respond to whatever comes your way. There is plenty - love, resources, financial abundance, opportunities, air to breathe. There is always enough, and there is room for everyone. Go, stake your claim, and remember that there are no limits to what you can imagine and manifest.
Have fun every day. Make something up. Laugh at yourself. Make a game out of something totally boring or tedious. Life is too short for bullsh...oh, that’s the next bit of wisdom. Life is meant for living, so GO LIVE IT!
Life is too short for bullshit, so stop making it and stop taking it. ‘Nuf said.
Stop making RESOLUTIONS! Choose right now to set the intention you desire for yourself for the next year, for the next five, for your whole life. Write your own Vision of Success (or talk to me about it and I’ll help you) and rather than plan every little detail based on something that feels like an obligation, choose how to re-write or update your story, and make it happen. When you know what you want and WHY you want it, ‘making it happen’ will feel effortless.
I wish you the best as you enter the newest chapter of your life, this new year. I invite you to take advantage of some free offers to get the new year started. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, enter your information in the form at the top right corner and you’ll gain access to EXCLUSIVE FREEBIES.*
Happy New Year!!! Best of success to you in 2013 and always!
Blessings. Gratitude. Love.
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