7 Things You Need to Know to be Successful

Do you wish you had a quick checklist to track your success? It's not in to-do/ta-da! lists. These are helpful and vitally important, to be sure, but I'm talking about how you feel. How do you feel when you complete a project, when something amazing happens or when you realize that you have accomplished a goal that you had thought was impossible? Do you celebrate or diminish your success?

If you catch yourself saying any of the following (or some rendition thereof):

• (after receiving kudos) "Thank you, but I'm just doing my duty as a human being."
• (after accomplishing something challenging) "Well, I could have done X better."
• (after receiving a compliment) "Yeah, but my (body part) is still kind of big/ugly/fat/too skinny/whatever-other-perceived-imperfection."
• (after hitting all green lights on your commute) "Well, that was a fluke. It'll never happen again."
• (after receiving thanks for anything) "Oh, no problem! It was nothing!"

STOP THAT! Those types of reflexive responses, without any thought, are blocking the flow of abundance! Yes…flow, abundance, airy-fairy speak for some, I know. But think about it. Have you ever paid a compliment to someone only to hear all the reasons why you are either wrong or that they do not deserve the compliment? How did you feel in that moment? It feels a bit like one foot on the gas, one on the brake.

Do you want more out of life? Do you want improved self-confidence, better health, more success, a great relationship, more money? Are you willing to make some changes? If so, then consider printing the list below and practicing this every day. Commit to 7 days, and make note of how different you feel each day. Then extend this practice to 21 days, keeping track of how you feel. Note any changes in your life, your outlook, what "happens" around you and what you notice. After 21 days, see if you are practicing these 7 things regularly without thinking much about it. WOW! You have formed a new habit, and I predict at a bare minimum, that you will experience change. It is up to you if that change is positive, though I am pretty comfortable saying that I believe you will experience positive change.

Below is a list of the 7 things I have learned, re-learned and re-re-learned, especially in the last few months, and I share them with you freely. You're welcome (insert goofy emoji smiley face of your choice).

Here are the 7 things you need to know to be successful:

1. Get CRYSTAL CLEAR on your vision, and believe in it relentlessly.
2. When a door doesn't open, make sure you've tried pulling as well as pushing - just in case.
3. If the door doesn't open either way, lean back and look to see if it's a facade; the real door is probably very close by, and all you need to do is adjust your view so you can see it. Then gently push/pull that door, or find a window and do the same.
4. Draw up your plan, then let go of the exact details of the final outcome. Think: "This or even better…"
5. Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.
6. BELIEVE that "it" will come together. When you believe it, you will see it.
7. CELEBRATE and invite the flow of abundance. Stay open to it, do not diminish the good stuff. The more you allow yourself to see and feel the awesomeness of your accomplishments, the more you will accomplish.

I wish you the best of success as you continue to strive toward your highest fulfillment. You've got this.

Blessings. Gratitude. Love. ~ TLC

Are you having any fun?

"Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all." - Woody Allen

Do you get excited about the weekend? Why? And, what makes Friday so special?  Why T.G.I.F.? What do you look forward to most on the weekends? I ask honestly, because I have noticed that a lot of people look forward to the weekend, seemingly because they will rest and be less busy, and yet they cram-pack their weekends with errands and lots of "have to" activities.

How busy are you? Do you take time to take excellent care of yourself? I mean, besides working out and eating "good" food (if you do)? Many people think that working out and consuming mostly clean foods is "good enough" to be considered excellent self-care. I certainly know a lot of people who also think this is enough.

In working with corporate groups, and with my one-on-one clients, I am hearing more and more about sleep deprivation and lack of time to read, write in a journal or have fun; and I just have to ask:   What's up with THAT?!!!

If you love being busy AND you feel happy, with an exquisite sense of fulfillment, then perhaps this is the pace you need and desire - if you honestly, truly feel fulfilled in all areas of life.

However, if you feel that something is missing, whether money, friendships, a romantic relationship, time to yourself, a sense of calm, peace and harmony...anything, even if it seems insignificant, it may be time to make a few minor adjustments.

Here are two easy ways to start having more fun, even if you think you don't have time, and you can start now, not wait until the weekend:

1. Laugh more. Laughter lifts us up, lightens the moment and brings more joy into our lives. Listen to a podcast of your favorite comedian, watch a funny movie or t.v. show, call your funniest friend, or visit your funniest co-worker. Easy, right? And it doesn't take a lot of time.
2. Make a fun date with yourself. Commit to take some time to go do something you've always wanted to do. Start with the easy, cheap, local "bucket list" item so you will actually do it. Put it on your calendar in ink and go do it. If you want someone else to join you, decide that you will do it whether they can make it or not. Remember, your happiness depends on you, so commit to yourself and follow-through.

Life really is meant to be lived and celebrated, so if you've fallen or knowingly stepped into the trap of not having time, having too much to do, or depending on others for enjoyment and fun, take a step back. Start with something simple, easy and cheap. Knock out all of your excuses by doing the easiest thing.

I'd love to hear from you. Are you having fun? Are you willing to commit to having more fun?

Please share what you do for fun by commenting in the space below.

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.

Two Questions You Need to Ask Yourself

I have tried to write about two different topics this week, and continued to bump into resistance around both. The first required research I didn’t really have time to complete this week, so I decided to table it for a few weeks when my schedule is lighter. The second topic is willingness, and what I find kind of ironic is that I was unwilling to stretch my own thinking enough to embrace the message that I really wanted to convey. Hmmm... This begs the question:

How do we know when it is appropriate to lean back, and how do we know when to push through to the finish?

My personal and coach-y answer is this: It depends.

There are so many times when it makes sense to lean back, soften the lens and see what we might not be seeing (you know, the forest for the trees thing). Actually, it makes sense to always lean back before pushing through. How often do you find yourself rushing to the finish, missing details? Have you ever pushed yourself to finish a project, or to “get over” a hurt, to later find that you have missed important details, or that you continue to feel hurt?

I know I say this a lot, though I also know at the very least that I will benefit from hearing my “steady drumbeat” message again, so I restate: Sometimes we need to slow down to speed up.

This is not the same as giving ourselves permission to quit or to stall progress, to procrastinate or make excuses for not stepping into our powerful genius. This leaning back gives us a moment to scan our energy, find resistance in our thinking (often manifested as physical pain, by the way - perhaps I will write about that another day), then address the resistance and take inspired action.

If you shoot an arrow, you must first get your eye very keenly focused on the target. Once you clearly see your target, you pull back on the bow, re-focus your eye in-line with the arrow, and finally release the arrow in the direction of the target. Imagine trying to shoot the arrow without pulling back on the bow. It would fall to the ground next to your feet, right? What if you take your eye off of the target as you release the bow? The arrow will launch in whatever direction you have it pointed, but will most likely land nowhere near the target. If you have a cramp in your shoulder or neck, how much energy is available to pull back the bow in order to launch the arrow with great speed and precision?

To avoid wandering too far into the metaphor weed patch, I will make this point: If you bump into resistance along the way, sometimes you can power through and just “gitter done,” possibly hampering your best energetic output. If you take your eye off the target (your goals, desired outcome, a dream you are making into your reality) you may miss it by a long shot. If you do not take a moment to lean back so you can get crystal clear on your goal, how will you aim, and will you even see the target? What’s more, how will you prepare yourself to build the momentum needed to get you through to the finish?

So, “it depends” is a simple and complex answer to the question: How do we know when it is appropriate to lean back, and how do we know when to push through to the finish? 

It depends, really, on your answers to the following 2 questions:

1. Do you know what you want and why you want it?
2. Are you willing to commit to reaching your goals, even if you need to slow down, lean back, adjust, re-adjust and re-focus regularly?

It seems that I have circled back to willingness. One way to measure your willingness is by taking action. If you can answer question 2 honestly, and you answer “Yes”, then the easiest and most obvious “proof” is in your action. Here is where I may muck-up the simplicity of “it depends” and contradict myself: Sometimes we need to take a step even if we are uncertain if we are heading in the right direction.

Wait.....didn’t I just say to slow down, lean back, focus on the target? Yes. However, if you are prone to “Analysis Paralysis” (and you know who you are, right?!) and you painfully comb-over every detail, ultimately stalling getting started, let alone making any progress, you might need to look at your target, remind yourself of why you want to get there, and just go for it. This is a kind way of telling you to kick your own backside into gear, with love.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said it best,

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

When we are very clear on what we want and WHY we want it, then stepping out in faith is easy. Ask yourself those two questions regularly, and write down or speak-out your answers. Breathe life into your dreams and desires every day, and take at least one step toward them. You are actively leaning back and focusing by asking those two questions, so if you continue to ask and answer honestly, you will be performing the delightful dance of slowing down to speed up, and you know what? You’ll launch forward like a rocket. You will. Trust me; I’ve been there, I return there, I re-start there and I manifest from there. Know that you are fully supported in your journey, and have faith in yourself and your abilities. Stepping out in faith requires very little beyond understanding why you want what you want.

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.

If you want to get crystal clear on what you want and why you want it, click here to schedule a powerful coaching consultation.

Are you ready to commit to yourself? Do you want to go beyond thinking and talking about making change in your life, and flip to DOING? Schedule your complimentary powerful coaching consultation.

Courage Without Strength: will you carry on?

Lately I have been hearing about a lot about courage and strength. A friend who is going through a difficult time recently said to me, “I just have to be strong and carry on,” which got me thinking: do we really have to be strong to keep going? I would argue that it does not always require strength to keep going. I am reminded of a woman I worked with a number of years ago who was undergoing treatment for breast cancer. At one point, she was very ill from the chemo drugs, and in a moment of frustration and extreme fatigue, she told her husband she felt like she wouldn’t be able to carry on, to which he replied, ‘You have to; we need you.’ She said she experienced a renewed sense of courage to face this disease head-on and to carry on, even in the absence of strength. She was physically and emotionally depleted, and yet she gathered up her might and continued forward. The last I heard, more than 10 years post-treatment, she has been cancer-free and living a very happy, healthy life.

• Have you ever asked for help when you felt you didn’t have the strength to carry on?
• Have you not asked for help when you didn’t have the strength to carry on?
• What kind of outcome did you experience?
• Did you learn?
• Did you grow? 

“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on - it is going on when you don’t have strength.”         - Napoleon Bonaparte

Even in the worst of times, we can gather our courage and carry on without strength. I would even argue that one of the most courageous acts we could undertake would be to ask for help when we feel we do not have the strength to face or manage something on our own. We are encouraged to be independent, even fiercely so, and yet, by nature we are interdependent. We need one another at times, and there is much opportunity for growth and learning when we ask for help.

I invite you to consider asking for a helping hand here and there to get comfortable with the idea of receiving. One day, you might truly need someone’s assistance, and you will be primed to accept and receive without resistance. If you are not so sure about this, consider times when you’ve helped a friend or loved one in need. Chances are, you did it willingly and without judgment. Remember the compassion you felt for that person, and offer it to your own self. Be open. Be willing. Ask. Receive.

Give it a try, and remember this question: How can it get any better?

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.

Do YOU Experience Growing Pains? How Do You Know?

How do you know when you are experiencing growing pains? Young children often experience pain in their legs, the cause of which is difficult to pinpoint. Because growing pains is not actually a medical condition, doctors call it a “diagnosis of exclusion”. Excluding other potential maladies or injuries is the first order of business, and by exclusion, many parents find that their child is experiencing the general muscular discomfort referred to as “growing pains”. Consensus in the medical community is that bone growth does not cause pain. However, many children experience more growing pains during the rapid growth stages, into early adolescence. It is understood is that many children experience these pains after a very physically active day, and often for several days and nights in a row. Most doctors agree that the treatment for growing pains is a warm compress, massage and cuddling - a little TLC, if you will (insert winky smile at clever reference to my initials.)

If we piggy-back on a child’s experience of growing pains and the doctor’s diagnosis of exclusion, we may apply this to our own experience as adults. Have you ever gone through a difficult time, and yet all other variables seem to be in place? I certainly have. There have been times when I’ve felt stressed, afraid and overwhelmed, and yet so much good stuff was happening in my life. By process of elimination (or exclusion), I often find that during these times, I am experiencing growing pains - a general discomfort associated with a sustained high level of activity.

Think about it. We grow and stretch, and stretch a little more, and leap and stretch, and duck and dodge bullets, and deftly maneuver around roadblocks every day. When you experience an unexplained sense of discomfort, or possibly pain, which could manifest in the forms of sadness, anger, frustration or apathy (however fleetingly temporary), it is helpful to run through your personal checklist of needs, unmet needs and possible adverse health conditions if you have any. If you turn up empty handed, give a nod to the idea of growing pains. Perhaps you have been so active that your whole being needs to rest and recuperate.

The doctor’s diagnosis of growing pains, and the parent’s remedy is simple: rest, warm compress, massage and cuddling - a little TLC. We often barge ahead in life, rapidly barreling forward, without taking a moment to address some of our basic needs. We all need TLC, love, a massage and the equivalent of a warm compress. Reach out to those who are close to you. Ask for some extra support in the form of kind words, a listening ear, a hug or thoughts/prayer. At the same time, be kind and compassionate with yourself. Make sure you have attended to your needs. Pushing through the pain is sometimes recommended, and sometimes rest and recuperation are just what the doctor ordered. Know yourself well enough to distinguish what you really need.

If you want to learn more about establishing the mindset for growing thru your growing pains and achieving blissful success, schedule your COMPLIMENTARY 30 minute consult.

I am here by your side on your journey, cheering you on, applying the warm compress, and offering a lot of TLC. Know that you are fully supported in your dreams, and you WILL manifest them!

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.

Zen and the Art of Awesomeness

Zen and the art of what?! Here's the deal. Being awesome is something that can be achieved by simply being in the moment, and by being yourself. Y'know, "Zen". Sometimes my clients tell me, "I should really meditate more, but I'm not good at meditation. I guess I'm just not Zen." Huh? How does one become 'good' at meditation and ‘being Zen’? I do not fancy myself a meditation expert by any stretch, but I'll share my personal belief about meditation, awesomeness and becoming more Zen. Step into the moment. Stepping into the present moment takes practice, just like learning another skill, sport or musical instrument.

Zen and the "art of awesomeness" is simply being in the moment. We can be in the moment by checking in with ourselves, breathing deeply and often, and by slowing down to notice what is going on around us and inside of us.

Let’s back up for just a moment, though. What’s up with this self-judgment? I hear “I should” and “I’m not good at” and “I guess I’m just not” a lot. Bim, bam, boom. Stop there. Pause, interrupt the pattern, breathe and then move forward.

"Zen spirituality does not confuse spirituality with thinking about God while one is peeling potatoes. Zen spirituality is just to peel the potatoes." ~ Alan Watts

You see, when we slow down and step into the moment, we achieve a Zen-like state. When we pause to check-in with ourselves, we create the foundation for meditation, Zen-like states and mindful presence.

Here are some quick tips to get started with a practice of being present so you can readily and easily step into your awesomeness every day (some call this “flow state” or “in the zone”).

1. Breathe deeply and often. You do not need to be stressed or seeking relaxation to breathe deeply. Just be aware of your breath, and pay attention to some of your breaths throughout the day. You will find at times you need to breathe deeply, and other times you will not. By taking deep breaths, you are being proactive about your health: manage your stress, blood pressure and heart rate, and oxygenate your cells. You will help the flow of energy and improve your posture. How’s that for feeling virtuous? Now you’re stepping into awesomeness.
2. Slow down to speed up. I’ve been saying this to clients, class and seminar participants. I tell it to my kids. And......sometimes (okay, quite often) I need to remind myself. Sometimes we need to slow down in order to speed up. Every step of the journey is important, no matter the final destination. If you want to succeed in any area of your life, you will develop this habit. Take the time to write your goals by hand every day, write 3 actionable items on your list (and finish them) every day, and reflect on your accomplishments at the end of the day. Slow down in order to speed up; these 3 small habits take all of 2 minutes and yet launch you forward at warp speed, if you will allow it.
3. Peel the potato. Do nothing more than what you are currently doing. Dedicate your focus, attention, energy and intention to one thing at a time. Multi-tasking as a means of efficiently completing tasks is a farce, and diverts and dilutes your attention, changing the outcome - much like water to paint. Shift gears between tasks. Close the book (even if temporarily) on one actionable item before moving to the next. Give your brain time to adjust and switch gears. Studies show that it can take up to 15 minutes for the brain to fully close-out and switch to the new action when one attempts to manage multiple tasks at once. Focus, grasshopper. You will accomplish more and you will feel more grounded.

As you travel along your path, know that you are fully supported, and I honor your experience as your own. If you would like to learn more about building the foundation for superb awesomeness, I am here. I offer unwavering support, and would be honored to be by your side.

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.

Lessons from the Cosmos (Flower)

 There is a certain beauty in wildflowers that is a little hard to put into words. I first became fascinated with Cosmos (Mexican Aster) when I was in graduate school in New Mexico. The feathery greens, bright punches of color and ability to thrive even under gross neglect seemed so symbolic, and in many ways speaks to stretches of my life experience.

The Cosmos flowers can stand from one to five feet tall and never require support, despite having a relatively thin stem. Cosmos are pest-resistant, and when fertilized, tend to grow more green than flowers. Even after days without water in triple digit summer heat, the flowers remain beautiful, and the green lush.

You may be wondering how in the world I am drawing a connection from neglect-loving, thin stemmed flowers to living an exquisite life. It is simple, and on this lovely Earth Day, it seems fitting to draw some connections from nature.

1. Appearances can be deceiving. People often appear one way on the outside, yet what is inside is very different. I think of Audrey Hepburn as a shining example of a person who appeared very soft on the outside, and yet was possessed with admirable strength and conviction of character (after retiring from acting, she became special ambassador to the United Nations UNICEF fund helping children in developing nations). We also see the opposite: someone who appears very strong on the outside, and yet is suffering on the inside.  In both examples, what we see on the outside is quite different from the real inside story.
2. You have everything you need, and ample reserves. There are times in life when you may feel depleted, as if you do not have energy or resources to continue. The truth is, however, that we always have everything we need, with plenty of reserves. Think of a time when you did something very physically challenging (for me, running or pushups), and in the moment when you wanted to give up, your body came through for you. You found the extra something you needed to finish, to get where you needed to go, or to feel virtuous about crushing a challenge. Whatever your reasons, my point is simple: often our brains scream at us based on old garbage messages, when in reality we have plenty of energy to keep going.
3. There is no need to over-protect ourselves or our loved ones; we thrive and grow from our experiences. Sometimes people over-water and over-fertilize their gardens and end up with mushy, squishy mud. The same is true in life. You do not always need to go get more information before taking-on a challenge. You do not always need to gear-up for what lies ahead in order to protect yourself. Sometimes for ourselves and for our loved ones, we really need to learn to let go and trust. Trust ourselves, trust the process, trust our source.
4. Stand tall, no matter how frail you may feel, no matter how strong the wind. Be flexible and allow yourself to bend, but not break. If you break, you know how to repair yourself already, don’t you? Stand firm in who you are, grounded in that calm knowing, and trust in yourself, the process and your source. You’ve got this.

You see, we are like the Cosmos; delicate yet strong, self-sufficient yet interconnected, vulnerable yet protected, flexible yet firmly planted. Know that you’ve got what it takes to accomplish anything you dream and reach an absolutely exquisite sense of fulfillment and unspeakable joy. You are worth it, and the journey is worth it.

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.

"Love is the only flower that grows and blossoms without the aid of the seasons."                             - Kahlil Gibran

Lighten UP! Shift your perspective and learn to experience joy

“Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.”  – Woody Allen Ah, good ‘ole Woody Allen, the master of neurotic, self-pitying quotes. I know some people who view life the way this quote reads, so now I feel compelled to write about having fun. A number of people in my circle have expressed frustration at not having time to enjoy themselves, being too ingrained in their routinized lives, and just a general lack of joy. I see it in the faces and body language of people I work with and in those I watch as I take-in my surroundings, and I have to ask: when did we switch from living to surviving?

We are taught to be responsible, contribute to society and “be serious.” I can think of several times when I’ve said those things to my children because they were too busy having fun to listen to me or do their chores. In my moment of over-scheduled, harried mom trying to get it all done, I have overlooked their joy and interpreted their dismissal of my requests as rudeness or disrespect when they were simply enjoying the moment and living their lives. We could all take a page from a child’s life book and lighten up a little.

Obviously, there are times to be serious and times to be playful, but these do not have to live entirely separate existences. If we take a moment to find the joy in living, we can all have a little more fun. It really is simple, and I have broken it down into simple steps.

1. Choose to find the good in things. If you find yourself commiserating with Woody Allen, and many of us have at some point in our lives, then the first step is to shift your perspective and choose to find the good in things. I wrote an affirmation for one of my children, and find myself repeating it to myself in moments of negativity: “I choose to find the good in things and be happy.” If you catch yourself slipping into a negative thought pattern, repeat the affirmation five times. If you have never used positive affirmations, it might seem a little strange at first, but just give it a try; you might be surprised how this small change will shift your thinking.

“Joy is the feeling of grinning inside.” - Melba Colgrove

Notice I did not provide a definition of happiness. There is no outline or format to follow, just a value statement to make for yourself that will help you re-program your thinking to believe that happiness is a choice, and that you deserve it. When you choose to allow yourself to experience what you believe you deserve, you have already begun to change your life and invite more joy.

2. Break the rules. We all have a rebellious streak in us, yet somewhere between adolescence and adulthood, most of us abandoned it for rule-following, proper behavior and keeping up appearances. I would never suggest disrespectful behavior toward others or felonious activity, but why not let yourself be a little naughty once in a while? I think Katharine Hepburn was on to something when she said, “If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” Give yourself permission to step outside the box to experience things just a little differently. Stay out past your bedtime, eat dessert before dinner, laugh out loud in public, dance on tables…you get the gist.

”I am not in this world to live up to other people’s expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine.” – Fritz Perls

3. Let go of expectations that hold you back. Those of us who are “recovering type-A” personalities already realize that we place high expectations on ourselves. Our standards are often impossibly high and we rarely live up to them. In addition, we set similarly impossible standards for others, and find ourselves continually disappointed in people. Here is an opportunity to try something radical: let go of the belief that others can make you happy. You are in charge of your happiness. You have the choice to be happy. People’s actions may affect you, but the key to your happiness is in your hands.

4. Allow yourself to experience joy every day. After you have chosen to believe that you deserve to be happy and have abandoned the rules and expectations that hold you back, you have paved the way to truly experience joy. You only need to open your eyes a little, stop to “smell the roses,” so to speak. Think about things that make you smile, and look for them as you go about your day. You will become more aware of your surroundings, begin to experience good feelings and notice other things that bring you joy. If you enjoy social time with friends, make a point of scheduling time with them. If you love music, play your favorite tunes and just listen, or dance around your house.

We all lead busy lives, and with technology and round the clock access, it is so easy to slip into the “grind” mentality and feel continually obligated to spend our time working or adding tasks to the to do list. This is not a healthy, balanced lifestyle. As creatures of habit, our bodies will adjust to whatever routine we impose, so why not create time every day for down-time, time to decompress and have a little fun? Give yourself permission to let something go on the to do list (or better yet, ditch the list; you will always do what is important, right?)

There are opportunities to experience joy every day, if you open your heart to see what is out there. When you make the slightest change in one area of your life, it will spill-over into other areas. Shift your perspective toward finding the good; it will take some re-training to change your thought patterns, but it is well worth the effort. You can alter the course of your life by giving yourself permission to experience fun and joy. I wish you the best, most joyful day and know you are fully capable of changing your life.

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.

Boldly Going...Where you want to go

“Virtue is bold, and goodness never fearful.” – William Shakespeare I like to live my life the way I like my coffee: bold, strong, multi-faceted and somewhat sweet, with a touch of indulgent, creamy goodness. The above quote really caught me because as I look back over the last few years, I see that through some difficult times and struggles, I have found my rhythm, I am living my life with intention, and I have become bolder. I still have goals I want to reach, and aspirations that need attention. I am a work in progress and have experienced a few blips on the radar screen, but as I observe where I am, I see that I have reached down inside of myself and accessed my strength, even - or maybe especially - in my more fragile moments.

If you really know what you want from life, and you are secure in who you are, you will live your life according to your own principles, and you will get your needs met. Make no mistake, diplomacy is key in most situations, and in no way do I mean to say that you should conduct “in-your-face” confrontations to get what you want from life. The boldness I speak of is derived from internal strength, virtue and goodness that cannot be easily shaken, and possesses a beautiful, warm subtlety.

A friend recently observed that some people’s confidence comes from within and some externalize their confidence to cover up what they are lacking in strength. I understand that one must derive boldness from an internal source in order to go anywhere, let alone to the unknown. In-your-face is abrasive and uncomfortable, and does not represent true strength or courage; in fact, that kind of behavior usually masks insecurities and fear.

I am very fond of quiet strength. I believe that in knowing who we are, solidly grounded in our own foundation, we can be bold. In my youth, I had what I call “fake strength” that presented as cockiness, and a little bit as steam roller. It was a feeble attempt to protect myself from getting hurt, to build a tough exterior and prevent anyone from getting close to me. However, with life experience and maturity, I have learned to be quietly bold, and to let down that barrier and just be myself. To me, boldness sometimes means planting a seed, sometimes I “just do it” in spite of my fears; yet other times, it means standing tall in the face of something that seems threatening or scary.

Have you discovered your bold self? Are you ready to make some progress and move forward? If so, then keep reading. If you want to boldly take yourself where you have never been before, to where you really want to be, try this on for size.

“If you want something you never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.”      - Dr. Shaun Marler

1. Listen to Your Inner Voice. It is not always easy to know which way to move or where to place your foot in order to take the next step. It may take some time to figure that out. Take a few minutes to listen to your inner voice, and really listen to what it is telling you.

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” – Dr. Benjamin Spock

Pay attention to your feelings, what your inner voice, or “gut” is telling you. When you listen to your internal voice, the part of you that really knows what you need, you can then allow yourself to expand beyond the farthest reaches of what your life has been so far.

2. Be Open to the Unknown. If you give yourself permission to expand, you will inevitably open yourself to all the possibilities, including the wide-open unknown. Meditate, write in a journal, take a class, or find another way to provide yourself the creative freedom to broaden your horizons. As you open yourself up, you will learn to listen to yourself more closely. When you have begun to really listen and trust yourself, you will step forward without fear, because beneath fear and uncertainty lies the inner knowledge that always tells you which step you need to take next. So, open yourself up, dig a little deeper, brace yourself in your core, and move forward.

3. Take a Step. When you know what you want, and you hear the inner voice say it is time to make a change, you will put one foot forward, take just one step, and you will know you are safe to continue. You will only get to where you want to be, however, if you make it happen. You must be the one to put one foot in front of the other and walk.

We all struggle and have moments when we are lacking in confidence, for a variety of reasons. Whatever the reasons, know you are not alone, and keep on going. Move yourself forward, learn from your mistakes, and trudge ahead. Take the first step toward your bold self, learn to be quietly bold, and get yourself where you need to be.

Believe in yourself, trust your instincts, and keep your intention clear. When you are confident in who you are, your boldness will be natural, and you will take the first step effortlessly. May you be virtuous and good, bold and fearless in your life journey.

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.