Pinch Me, I’m Dreaming! Using dreams as a guide

“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” - Oscar Wilde

Our dreams tell us a lot. Sometimes the brain is simply uploading and organizing information while we sleep, and this is one of the reasons why sleep is critical to our overall wellbeing. However, our dreams can also give us insight to our internal workings when we are processing information from our waking life. If you are trying to sort out an emotional situation or if you are ignoring something, the brain and subconscious have a way of bringing you to attention by sending you a whopper of a dream. Some people experience recurring dreams. Some experience chasing, scary or euphoric hero dreams. All of this is your subconscious sorting out situations and input from your waking life.

The study of dream analysis has been varied over the years. In ancient Egypt and Greece, dreams were seen as a supernatural communication or as a means of divine intervention. In Europe toward the end of the 19th century, dreams were used as an integral part of psychoanalysis, and the perceived content of those dreams was said to reveal the latent meaning to the psyche of the dreamer (Sigmund Freud’s work The Interpretation of Dreams is a famous and relevant example of dream interpretation.)

While I believe that dreams offer us some juicy symbolism for our waking lives, I also like the word “dream” for how we see our lives unfolding. Our hopes and aspirations are also “dreams.” When I was younger, I had a number of dreams: go to college, grad school, get married, have a couple of children, own a home, etc. I have achieved all of those dreams, yet I still see my complete dream as unfulfilled. I continue to expand the idea of that dream and fill it in with some very interesting and fun experiences, new people and brighter outlook.

How do you feel about your dreams? Are they still alive? Have you ever felt like your dream was shattered? I have. When my marriage ended, I had to examine what my dream was, why it felt shattered into a million bits, and whether my dream was really my own, or something I had worked toward because I thought that was what I was supposed to be doing. I have since learned that my dreams were tied into what I believed I was supposed to be doing, what I believed I should dream of. I had coffee with an amazing coach, Margie Warrell, and she said we all need to stop “should-ing on” ourselves. The moment we use the word “should” we are already wrong, because “should” automatically places judgment on ourselves or others.

I want to tie this to dreams because as my life unfolds, I open myself to all the possibilities and watch everything come together, I recognize that when I stopped “should-ing on” myself and allowing myself to dream of what I really want, I started to feel free. That freedom has allowed me to expand my dreams and aspirations. Now my dream includes expanding my business, helping people change their lives, hopes for my children, our life together and a whole host of future experiences.

Would you like to fulfill your dreams? How can you do that? I can help you get the ball rolling, with a few easy steps. What lies ahead might seem somewhat disjointed, but I assure you that you will enjoy changes and see results almost immediately if you open your mind and heart to creatively choosing a new path for yourself.

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.” - James Dean

1. Dream big. Write down what you want from life. Be adventurous, bold and aim high. Write it out with specifics like places you want to visit, things you want to see, the salary you know you deserve and how you envision your life in the bigger picture. When we put it down on paper, it becomes more real to us. You can get more specific by setting mini-goals to keep you going, or keep it big picture, stretched-out across the horizon.

2. Pay attention to your dreams. Your dreams can shed a lot of light on your waking life. If you have a very symbolic dream that leaves you scratching your head, write it out and jot down your thoughts on what it could mean in your life. I often refer to a dream analysis website when I have a crazy dream that needs some more thought, and I pulled some basic symbolism for you to shed some light on your own dreams:

Recurring Dreams: indicates unresolved issues or unhealthy patterns

Nightmares: suggests that there is an unresolved issue with emotional or frightening content, perhaps a health issue you have been avoiding

Chasing Dreams: a metaphor for some type of insecurity. You are avoiding a situation you think is not conquerable

Animals: your own physical characteristics, primitive desires or sexual nature, depending on the animal.

3. Try lucid dreaming. Lucid dreams occur when you are somewhere between asleep and awake. In a lucid dream, you can actively participate in, and manipulate, imaginary experiences in the dream. You can confront perceived threats and improve your self-confidence. Using lucid dreams can help you sort out a problem from your waking life and visualize and practice asking for what you want and need - practice a speech, prepare for an event, ask for a raise, etc.

Set high goals for yourself, give yourself permission to touch and embrace your dreams. Be mindful of what your subconscious is telling you while you sleep. Use the symbolism to sort out issues you may have buried that need attention. Your dreams can guide you to your better path, to the life you want, if you are willing to listen and take action to change your life.

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.

Harmony as a Means to Empowerment: How to Align Your Thoughts & Deeds to Create the Life You Desire

“Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.” - Mahtma Gandhi Have you ever found yourself wishing you had something, then focusing on what is “wrong” in your life? Do you argue with your spouse, children, co-workers or friends? Do you wish they would just listen to you and stop being so difficult? What if all these people did exactly what you wished they would do? How would that look and feel?

I recently had a “Eureka!” moment where I realized that I thought that my children “never” listened to me. I wondered why they were being difficult, why I couldn’t get them to cooperate with me, stop fighting, put on their shoes, etc. Sound familiar? If you are not a parent, you can apply this generalization to any situation. If you have ever found yourself thinking or saying, “My partner never listens to me,” or, “That will never happen,” or, “There’s ALWAYS something,” then you are right. What I learned about my children was they were modeling MY behavior: being distracted by other things. Why? Because when I was in a state of overwhelm, I got into the habit of being distracted and scattered, and only half-listening to them while multi-tasking.

When I slowed down, I re-visited my personal and professional WHY and reminded myself that my WHY is very simple: Empowerment and Harmony. I was certainly not empowering my children or myself to live harmoniously while being only half-present. Thankfully, today is a new day.

“Today I choose to empower myself to create harmony every chance I get...” ~ TLC

 ...and I get a lot of chances!

How about you? Do you recognize opportunities to create harmony? Do you feel like you have power to create the life you want? Let’s break down the Gandhi quote.

Thoughts. Start with thoughts. If you think positive thoughts and your thoughts are in alignment with your values, then your words and deeds will reflect that. The opposite is also true. Let that marinate. How do you feel about yourself, your spouse, boss or colleagues, in-laws and family members, your neighbors and the world in general?

If you have negative feelings and thoughts about a person or situation, consider looking in the mirror. The people and situations in our lives are a reflection of us. Ask yourself what you might learn. Be open to the answer; you might peel back a layer to reveal a part of yourself you haven’t yet accessed.

Words. What do your words say about your thoughts? Have you used unkind, disrespectful words, or have your words been loving, kind and uplifting? What about self-talk?

I encourage my clients to write morning pages first thing in the morning; to write everything out, even thoughts like the following:

“It’s 6am, I feel terrible. I slept horribly. I am overwhelmed and I’m not even out of bed yet. I am so far behind on my to-do list; I will never get done. This day is going to suck rocks.”

The beauty of the morning pages is that you can release the negative voice. You can also address every assumption and negative thought by stating the positive outcome you desire. Or, you can simply let the negative thoughts and words flow to release them, leave them on the pages and get on with your day.

Deeds. What about your deeds? Do you practice acts of kindness? How is your attitude when asked to help with a household chore? Do you do it willingly, knowing that you are contributing to your home team?

In addition, you can offer to do things for people without being asked. Help with chores, fix dinner, repair something, or bring home fresh cut flowers. Outside your home, open doors for strangers, smile at people, and say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze. Acts of kindness are far-reaching and do not require much of you; simply offer a thoughtful gesture or smile.

When we strive to create harmony - first with our thoughts - we naturally do the same with our words and deeds. It may take some effort to begin to think positively, shifting away from old negative thought patterns, but you will feel free when you do.

Gandhi said if we aim at purifying our thoughts then everything will be well. How do we make it happen? It is not just our thoughts that need purifying, but the feelings associated with the thoughts. We can say positive things all day long, but if we do not feel these thoughts are authentic, then the negative feeling is the same as negative thinking.

So, now what?

1. Acknowledge Feelings For What They Are. Stop everything when you feel negativity creeping in. Acknowledge what you are feeling. Remove any judgment, and acknowledge, “I feel angry right now because I am frustrated.” Stop there. Do not tell yourself what you should or should not be feeling (stop “should-ing” all over yourself). The feeling just is.
2. Practice Compassion. Just as you would with a child, be forgiving, allow yourself to feel what you feel. How you respond to feelings is important. Be understanding of your natural need to emote, and forgive yourself for any foibles as you would a loved one.
3. Express Gratitude. When we express gratitude, we shift our thinking away from what is wrong to what is right and good. In a difficult situation you could allow yourself to feel grateful for the opportunity to learn something. Be thankful for the opportunity to see yourself in a different light. Finally, you might feel grateful for the opportunity to repeat a pattern one last time, realizing you get to grow through a situation and heal from old patterns that no longer serve you.

There is freedom in harmony of thoughts, words and deeds. You have the choice to set yourself free. I believe in you and your ability to create the life you desire.

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.

A Tutorial in Gratitude

“Your daily life is your temple and your religion. When you enter into it take with you your all.” - Kahlil Gibran I love this quote, and I love anything written by Kahlil Gibran. I am sure some feathers might experience a little ruffling with the temple and religion reference, but I am certain if you are here to read this blog, you can get around that to continue reading. So, join me for a lesson in developing an attitude of gratitude.

I am tempted to launch into a lecture about ungrateful behavior, but that seems, well, ungrateful. I am grateful for the examples of ingratitude I can reference in my own mind, because they shine a light on areas in need of improvement in my life. I believe that every person enters our lives for a reason, even if “just” someone you witness while running errands. Have you ever noticed bad behavior, and then found yourself judging the person? I sure have. I think myself relatively non-judgmental, but I catch myself in that old pattern once in a while. I did this morning while sitting in the waiting room at urgent care with my daughter (all is well, thankfully).

A very young woman with an adorable two-year old daughter tall enough to be four or five, and heavy enough to be considered obese, was also waiting. I first caught myself judging her for allowing her child to be overweight. Then I caught myself judging her for talking about how bright and articulate her little girl was. After that I caught myself judging her for how loudly she was chastising her sweet little girl for climbing on the chairs (she is only two after all.) I suddenly realized how easy it was for me to slip into the judgmental mode, and stopped myself immediately - but not until I had already consciously judged her at least three times. I reminded myself that everyone has their own story, and it’s none of my business how someone else raises their children unless I witness abuse; then all bets are off. You might be wondering why I am talking about my judgmental attitude if I am writing about gratitude. In catching myself judging a fellow mother, I realized that I go to that judgmental place when I am fearful, for whatever reason, and it is my way of deflecting responsibility - a very clear example of a lack of gratitude.

Along the lines of fearfulness and a need to shift to gratitude, I will share another personal story. When my daughter was born, she failed her hearing test in the hospital. When she failed it again at an audiologist’s office three weeks later, I was really scared. I had no idea what a ‘failed hearing test’ meant - if my daughter was deaf, if we would need to learn sign language, how that would affect our family, if kids would tease her for wearing hearing aids, and the list of fears goes on. By the time all of the testing was complete, she was diagnosed with a mild-to-moderate hearing loss, and received her first pair of hearing aids at just 9 weeks old. In the very moment the audiologist turned her aids on, and was speaking to us about how to use them, my beautiful baby turned her head, looked right at the audiologist and cooed, as if to say, “OH! That’s how you sound! Thank you!” Tears of joy, relief, and most importantly, gratitude, flowed freely.

In grappling with the uncertainty, I found myself saying, “This is not life-threatening. Her heart and all life-sustaining organs function perfectly well. She is healthy.” But until I had some kind of “proof” that she was going to be OK, those thoughts were scarcely enough. In the time that has passed - my daughter is now eight - life has brought me numerous opportunities to move from scared, worried, angry and negative to grateful. Sometimes I find myself expressing gratitude for a lesson I’m about learn, for in the midst of a trial, I cannot see the wisdom, but I trust that I will learn from it.

I share these personal stories to help you understand that we are all learning, always. We are beautiful works in progress, and every day we can learn something new. Waking up ready to embrace each day and learn from it is a step toward an attitude of gratitude. How else can you shift your thinking and ultimately free yourself from negativity, self-sabotage and other unnecessary burdens? There are a number of ways, and I will address two starting points: change your vocabulary and look for the silver lining. I will likely write more on gratitude at a later date.

Change your vocabulary. Yes, it’s that simple. Change your speech and thought patterns:

Instead of	Change to
“Try”	“I do”
“I should do X”	“I could do X; I choose Y”
“Have to”	“I intend”
“I don’t have enough money”	“I am blessed with abundance”
(an immediate) “No”	“Hmm, let me think about that”
“This always happens to me”	“I’m grateful to recognize a pattern I can change”

 

Look for the silver lining. That may sound a little pie-in-the-sky (in the true meaning: promising heaven while continuing to suffer on earth) but I assure you that when you look for the positive in things, you will begin to find it. Does that mean you will live a life free of difficulties and trials? Absolutely not, but how you handle life’s ups and downs is key. Find the good in things. Remember there is always opportunity to learn. For that, I am always grateful.

I wish you the best on your journey as you make small changes that have tremendous impact, and I am grateful for you.

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.